I want my blog to be a psychology/Christian/homosexuality themed blog. Sorry for all the personal stuff. I've collected some of what I feel are the best lil comics from slapupsidethehead.com. I'm doing a lot of research on homosexuality, Christianity, and counselling and how they interact. I'm bound to feel inspiration for something other than crying my eyes out to the internet and being all "boo-hoo, pity me, kthnxbai,"

No song summarizes Nervosa better.

"The Beginning" makes me cry the most, but there's no decent videos to share it with. Follow the [link] if you want to hear it. Complete lyrics are in the desc. of the video. 

I am the worst of all things here
My crooked, black, and lying heart still spits its bitter fear
And each and every sparrow
They flutter to the ground before they die
So please God don't forget me

''I have been with you all along, you have not noticed me.'
Nervosa now felt more ashamed than ever before.
'Why would you still care enough to save me
even after seeing the horrible things I have done?
Why do you remain here even now?' She asked, sobbing.
'Because, here is where you are,' the Lamb said softly,
'And I long to be with you.''

Life is crap. My mom is bat-shit crazy. I'm having a horrid time coming to terms with the fact that my mother has stopped being my mother. So where do I turn for emotional support. The internet. It's amazing how a bunch of faceless anonymous people will come to your aid and support you. Someone responded to my post with the following:

Parent shit can suck. If they blow the chaod on you, just remember, you'll have an opportunity to raise children some day that will love you, and you will love them, then your parents will be jelly as fuck and suddenly want back in your life.

Also, >>Hugs

And I know that is how my family works. My grandfather disappeared in 2001 only to reappear when my mom was first diagnosed with cancer. People in my family only associate when it benefits them or when someone is dying/dead.

Thank you, internet.

Kotomi Ichinose. When she was young, her parents were consumed with their studies as world-famous scientists. They left to go to an expo overseas and were going to miss Kotomi's birthday. She had previously asked for a stuffed animal because that's what "normal" girls asked for, but when she found out they would be gone on her birthday she got very mad at them, exclaiming that she didn't want a stupid stuffed animal, she wanted them home. They left anyway. Their plane went down somewhere along the way and they vanished. Kotomi grew up feeling guilty, convincing herself that if she was a good girl they would come back and be happy with her. Their suitcase was eventually found when Kotomi was in her last year of high school. It had a teddy bear and a letter in it.

I love Kotomi because she breaks completely. When her parents are pronounced dead, she burns down their office, blaming their work for their deaths. In high school, she displays PTSD symptoms whenever she is reminded of her parent's death. She completely breaks in public. She has a child-like love for stuffed animals. She is a wonderful character.

Clannad is a wonderful anime. It reminds me a bit of Laura and her love for Howl's Moving Castle. The main focus of Clannad is a bunch of kids with shitty families coming together to create their own family. I miss my school friends so much. I miss them so much. I can't wait to get back.

Arachne’s Daughters

Have you ever noticed the way your resident spider hunches up in fear when you come into the room, plays dead until she has the chance to use her legs to run for cover?

Why? Because she is afraid. She is hoping you won’t put her out in the rain, or let the cat play with her, or just step on her. She isn’t going to hang around and give you good advice under those circumstances, is she. Which is a pity, she could become your best friend if you only let her. Try saying hello next time you see Suzannah in the garden, or Babette scaling your cooker, you might be pleasantly surprised, we can be quite cuddly.

I first fell in love with spiders when I was still dating my abusive ex. We had gone for a walk and on the way back I saw the most beautiful spider I'd ever seen.

It's just a garden spider. It had sun its web between a road sign and a tree. The web this kind of spider weaves is different. It was so carefully done, fragile, and beautiful. The back of the spider itself was like a carefully painted jewel. All I had to do was pause and look a little closer and I was in awe of the beauty surrounding this creature.

My high school friends had me suffer a lot of shit. I always ended up framed as the bad guy, a lier, the villain. I had an instant connection with the spider. If they would only look a little closer. If they could only see how carefully I had weaved my world together and that my world remained fragile enough for a good gust of wind to destroy it. If they could only see that I had beauty and value, too.

My best friend was the butterfly. Almost everyone loves butterflies. They're pretty and they have such fragile wings. Butterflies are good, never questioned. Spiders kill them. They are their natural predator. Thus this series of drawings was born:

Just for once
Let me kiss you again
Just as the spider kisses the butterfly
Let me taste you
Wrap myself around you and
Devour you
Because we're both beautiful
In our own ways
But to the eyes of man
You are a star
And I am a menace 

I've always had this giant crush on said friend. We had kissed once, a long time ago, and she just continues to frustrate me continuously. She has soiled my good name with every person she has ever come into contact with. She accused me of some of the most fiendish plots. She refused to listen to reason. I went out of my way to protect her only to be accused of purposely hurting her. She's a gossipy butterfly. A spider can't help that its kiss kills. The most carefully laid safety net can become a web for those who ignore warning. She pisses me off.

So I have my spiders. I hate to see anything be killed, but I freak out if someone even suggests smashing a spider. It's like they're ignoring a part of me, smashing it without thinking of any worth or consequence.

And they're so darn cute when they curl up as tight as they can in corners or under picture frames to hide.

B'awwwww....

Probably attributes to why I got spider bites instead of one lip piercing. But I wanted two even before I knew the name.